If there’s one thing tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette taught us, it’s that insecurity is one hell of a turn off. Well, that and the startling fact that there is at least one person in the world who believes that “margherita” is a type of Italian cheese. (Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Robby, but it’s not.)
In each of the three dates Jojo embarked on in beautiful Buenos Aires, Argentina, be they her one-on-one with Wells, her group date, or her surprising second two-on-one date with Derek and Chase, insecurities had everyone tripping up left and right.
Poor, sweet, neurotic Wells. When the girl you’re pursuing alongside a bunch of other dudes has to explicitly tell you it’s time to finally kiss her, you might want to consider what kind of impression (or lack thereof) you’re really making. Although, if not for Wells’ neuroses, we’d never have been gifted Derek’s glorious utterance of “Besame, muchacho. Kiss me, bro-chacho.” Wells got his coveted one-on-one, his first of the season, which saw he and Jojo step onto the Fuerza Bruta stage and try their hand at some ridiculously fun-looking modern dance in a levitating pool. With the water, the dim lighting, and the lack of clothing, it was the perfect setting to lock lips. Unfortunately, before Wells could work up the courage, we had to sit through a good amount of awkward fumbling. And the less we talk about that awkward high five-peck on the cheek combo, the better.
Eventually, Wells got his kiss and Jojo seemed genuinely thrilled to be connecting on a physical level with the guy, but whatever points he earned in that moment, he squandered at dinner when he couldn’t curb his skeptical outlook on love. No girl looking for love wants to hear that you think the passion in every relationship inevitably fades—especially not the one competing as The Bachelorette. Jojo isn’t settling for anything less than the fairy tale, so it was time for Wells to go.
The Group Date
For the group date, Jojo selected Luke, Robby, Alex, Jordan and James Taylor, whose name we’ll never not chuckle at. The dudes met Jojo in the La Boca district for an afternoon of exploring what looks like a beautiful and vibrant neighborhood. Right off the bat, James was feeling inadequate among the rest of the guys, admitting in an interview, “I really do feel like I snuck onto a set that I’m not supposed to be on.” While everyone else was enjoying the date, James remained singularly obsessed with inadequacies, even though he was the only one who scored a goal in the penalty kick-off and won himself a kiss from Jojo.
At drinks later, he used his time alone with Jojo to try and turn her against the perceived front-runner (and his supposed best bud in the house), telling her he’d seen a new side to Jordan during a card game and he wanted to warn her about it. His rant about Jordan’s entitlement felt petty and desperate, but Jojo thanked him for the information. Of course, she immediately told Jordan everything, leading to a tense confrontation between the guys, as well as some of the most furious wine swirling we’ve ever seen courtesy of Jordan.
When all was said and done, though, it was Luke who took home the rose. And if you were surprised by that, you weren’t paying enough attention to his alone time with Jojo. She could barely keep herself from jumping his bones as he shared his feelings with her. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
The Two-on-One Date
After last week’s raging bout of insecurity, Derek was surprisingly calm, bordering on arrogant, as he went head-to-head with Chase for the lone rose on their two-on-one. Chase, on the other hand, was riddled with nerves. As the three danced the tango, Chase looked stiff as a board, while Derek played up his passionate side. (Meanwhile, Jojo was mentally auditioning for DWTS as the two passed her back and forth.)
It really seemed like the outcome of this one was inevitable and Chase was on his way out, but at dinner, Jojo admitted that it was too little, too late for Derek. Chase’s stabs at emotion during their alone time were enough to sway Jojo his way, earning him the rose and giving us the opportunity to laugh a little more than we should have as Derek’s tears in the limo were set to the soundtrack of “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina.” It was kind of cruel, but also kind of amazing.
The Rose Ceremony
Here’s where things got wacky. All night long, we’d been lead to believe that Jojo wouldn’t want to give out her final rose, sending two suitors home. Of course, we should’ve known better. When it came down to James Taylor and Alex (who is an actual person, despite how little of him we saw tonight), Jojo ran off and handed the rose over to Chris Harrison. As both guys prepared to get cut, Chris returned with a tray of two roses and no one went anywhere. Bazinga!
Who do you think should’ve gone home tonight? Sound off in the comments below.
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
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