It’s time to knock off the knockoffs.
This Friday, Hollywood is off to the races with the latest remake of a treasured film — this time a new “Ben-Hur.” The new, faith-based take might be more faithful to the 1880 best-seller, but those damn dirty execs should’ve kept their stinking paws off material associated with the Charlton Heston version (itself a remake).
This is nothing new: Studios are always trying to recycle old classics. What sociopath greenlit a shot-for-shot remake of “Psycho”? Heck, not just classics. Last year’s “Point Break” remake? Completely pointless.
So the Daily News is making a stand, officially demanding these 12 films remain off limits for repeat offenders:
The success of “Jaws” will probably be chum in the water for a greedy exec in the not to distant future.
(Universal Pictures/Getty Images)
The phrase, “Jumping the Shark,” was made for whatever jerk tries to remake “Jaws.” But however good the CGI shark turns out, it will seem toothless compared to the mechanical monster in Steven Spielberg’s 1975 blockbuster.
Quentin Tarantino put on the perfect clinic for non-linear storytelling in 1994 with “ Pulp Fiction.” But now that the big reveal is common knowledge, it’s hard to put the glowing premise back in the briefcase.
Any attempt to remake “The Godfather” should be rubbed out immediately.
Here’s an offer any executive should immediately refuse — don’t meddle with “The Godfather.” The 1972 crime family saga has the perfect mob of actors, headlined by Marlon Brando and an up-and-coming Al Pacino, and is widely considered one of the two greatest American films of all time …
… along with Orson Wells’ masterpiece, “Citizen Kane.” The tale of a fictional media baron is like a childhood heirloom that’s priceless and irreplacable.
“Citizen Kane” is one of the greatest films of all time. Don’t mess with it.
(Hulton Archive/Getty Images)
It’s inconceivable that anyone would try to redo “The Princess Bride,” but I’m not sure that word means what everyone in the film industry thinks it means. Regardless, director Rob Reiner made the perfect fairy tale love story in 1987 and we’d all live happily ever after if it was left alone.
Imagine “Singing in the Rain” with a computer-generated downpour. Now imagine crying in the theater.
And how is Travis Bickle going to drive his cab through that pedestrian mall in Times Square in a new verison of “Taxi Driver?” And what member of the Uber generation hails a yellow taxi anymore anyway?
Only Michael J Fox should be allowed to behind the wheel of a time-travelling Delorean.
(Universal Pictures/Getty Images)
“Back to the Future” and its two sequels are a perfect time capsule of an ‘80s era when Michael J. Fox was as cool as Calvin Klein.
Kurosawa’s “Rashomon” (1950) is very much a product of Japan, so it would be a crime in most observers’ eyes to try to Americanize it. It’s never been remade, but has been repeatedly ripped off.
You’d have to strap me in a chair and clamp my eyelids open to watch a 21st-century update of Kubrick’s 1971 classic “Clockwork Orange” with a young actor like Zac Efron or Miles Teller taking the Malcolm McDowell role.
Forgetting the mediocre TV series, “ In the Heat of the Night” has a resonance very much born of the racially divided ’60s South in which the movie is set. It can’t feel more genuine.
Frankly we would give a damn if they tried to do another “Gone With the Wind.”
Civil War-set drama “Gone With the Wind” is the product of a different time — including an uncomfortably dated depiction of slavery. But it’s also a landmark of late-1930s cinema. For both reasons, the adaptation should be left in the past.